Te Amo Muerte

(Pages From My Diary - The 8th of Jan, 2011)

She wonders often, what would have happened had she agreed to stay the night. Stayed for the rest of her life. With Kurt. Her Kurt.

The sea by her window, it bothers her. She is volatile like the sea. Indecisive, Unsteady. Impulsive.

She is an escapist. She doesn’t like things which reflect her self.

Or which bring back memories. The sea, by which they danced. By which he asked. The sea by which they kissed.

No. She doesn’t remember it anymore. She doesn’t want to. She has killed the past and buried the memories.

***

“Will you marry me?” he whispers. They’re dancing. The sound of sea is not far away. “Yes” she whispers back.

She pulls herself awake. Awake from the nightmare she doesn’t want to see. Again.

That is the last time she had seen him. Its been seven years now. Last. Seven.

***

“Stay the night with me. Stay the night Stella.”

“No Kurt, I can’t. I have to go. I love you”.

“I love you Stella”.

She is walking away.

“Stella. Stella.”

There is a road in between the beach and the car park. She has crossed over.

“Stella listen, please Stel…”

Stella turns. “Kurt!”

The car has come and the car has gone. Kurt, he is gone too.

***

No. She doesn’t want to remember what had happened before and after it. The argument before she leaves. The mess after she has.

The blood. His hazel eyes. The hair on his face. The ring in his hand.

Her Kurt. Dead and gone.

“I never intended to leave”. She is wiping the hair off his face. “Kurt. Kurt”

Seven years. Lived in a trance. Lived devoid of thoughts, devoid of memories.

Its Kurt’s birthday today.

She has not crossed over. She never will.

“Happy Birthday Kurt…”

Photo Courtesy - Internet http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2010/295/2/6/in_love_and_death_by_needlesoup-d2wy4oq.jpg

The Inheritance Of Thoughts

My eyes reflect the colour of the sea. The black sky is not dark but full of light. Full of shining hope. It is raining. Mumbai is beautiful.

The sound of the waves, hitting against the gigantic rocks, take me to a distant land. I find peace amongst hundreds of other people in one of the noisiest and busiest roads of Mumbai. The sea, just brought me back to life.

I let my hair open as the strong wind hits my face. Walking on the gray footpath, there is too much I am thinking about but nothing on my mind. And I go back to yesterday. I have no regrets. I am glad I have lived enough to be here, to breathe in this sea. Raindrops wash away the tears streaming down my face.

I walk as if there is no end because I know there is no end to this. There is a sea inside of me, mighty and fearful, turbulent and vulnerable. And never-ending.

And I pause to look over the heavenly path, past the treacherous huge rocks, my eyes travel along the entire stretch as the waves come together to hold hands and create a white wall. I, pause life.

A pen in my hand. A tear in my eye. Music in my soul.
Just as I start to create the life, as I've wanted it to be.

This is Absolute happiness.
 This, is God.

  Photo Courtesy - Internet
*Marine Drive. 13th August, 11*
I want to be this sea forever.