He looked out of the window tightly clutching the pen he held in his hand. It was the first heavy shower of the year. A great relief from the scorching heat. The wind, or the zephyr as he called it, rushed through his face.
He lived in the thirteenth floor thanks to which he was always a witness to city’s activity. He wasn’t interested generally. The activity outside in contrast to his passive life kept him away from the window most of the time. And, there was work.
The rain hadn’t emptied the streets of Calcutta at all. In fact, a number of people were actually out there enjoying the shower. He spotted Mrs. Misra with her 10 year old daughter by the windowsill chattering away holding a cup. Tea or coffee, he could not say. In the garden, four girls pranced about in the rain, taking full advantage of their adolescence. He recognized one of them, Akshi, his next-door neighbor. The song on his ITunes DJ changed. I’ll follow you into the dark – Death Cab for Cutie.
Adhikansh Mehra had always been a music addict. Any genre, any artist, if the song managed to touch his soul, it was his favorite. He had songs playing all the time. Morning, noon and night. Work and leisure.
His eyes hurt. He realized that he had been holding back his tears for a long time now. But he didn’t want to weep. He was a brave man, or he thought so at least. The song, the rain, the wind- it was getting into him. He looked into the photograph, and for the first time in months, he cried.
He cried holding the photograph close to his heart thinking about how much wrong he had done to her. How much he had kept her away. He remembered her first touch, so welcoming, as if she had already accepted him. Her beautiful eyes, curiously popping out. Her twinkling smile. Her first cry. Aditi. His daughter, Aditi. The reason why the chapters of his life closed, Aditi.
***
Adhikansh and Niyati were childhood sweethearts. They met in school, kindergarten itself. By class III, they were best friends. She gave him the notes she had written for herself; he gave her the chocolates, he had bought for himself. He called her Pie, she called him Pinky. She was four when he had asked her whether she would marry him. He had apparently read the word ‘marriage’ in some lesson and wanted to do the same with her.
They were perfect- individually and together. The hazel-eyed, tall, fair and handsome Adhikansh and the curly-haired, smart, sweet and beautiful Niyati. Chivalrous Adhikansh and Elegant Niyati. The only time they had been torn apart from each other was when Adhikansh’s father had been transferred to Delhi for 3 years. 36 months later, their love was intact.
Not that they were not different. He studied science, she studied arts. He was an athlete, she was a dancer. He played the mouth-organ, she played the piano. But the differences hardly mattered. From being mere school mates, they went on to be family friends, till the day they were declared ‘Man and Wife’. Their marriage was perfect. Yes, they did have the usual ‘You shouldn’t have’, ‘Why always me?’, “Don’t you know!’ quibbles but otherwise, it was P-E-R-F-E-C-T.
Perfect, till it lasted. 4 years of marriage and 17 years of a relationship lost its soul. He was 25. She was 24. And she was 8 months pregnant.
It was raining that night. Adhikansh switched on the music. “I’ll follow you into the dark”, he sang to her. “I don’t want you following me so soon”, she teased. “Maybe I won’t follow you at all, maybe I’ll lead”, he teased back “Let’s walk together.” The rain started getting heavier. The streets like any other of south Calcutta were jammed with water. Aditi-Aditya, the argument started. She wanted Aditya. He wanted Aditi. Niyati felt a jerk. Her breathing became heavier. “I think my water broke”, she spluttered.
He took a lot of time to reach the hospital. A little more than he should have. Niyati had almost choked by then. Taruni, her gyne and their family friend, consoled him. Don’t worry she said and the OT closed. Two hours passed. Taruni came out. “What… wha..?” Adhikansh couldn’t wait anymore. The entire family was waiting on the other end of the phone. “I could save only her”,. Adhikansh sighed sadly but relieved. “Your daughter Aditi, I could only save her. Sorry” Taruni said softly. That was it. Life, as Adhikansh knew, had ended.
***
The force of the wind increased. The zephyr, it seemed to be talking to him. Seven months back, he had cried – for no rhyme or reason. Once again, tears washed down his handsome face. The adoption papers were lying in front of him, the pen in his hand. Aditi would be one tomorrow. Adhikansh’s sister, Akanksha had planned to adopt her. In fact Aditi had been with Akanksha since birth. He would just have to sign to avoid further legal complications. He saw the photograph. She had his eyes. His eyes only. The rest of her face somehow belonged to her mother. The twitched nose, the curly hair. Would he ever be able to love this piece of flesh who had taken his life away from him? Adhikansh looked up and stared at the sky, taking in the wind – Niyati. Smiling. Hopeful Niyati. Brave Niyati. His Niyati.
He picked up the phone. “Akanksha?” He asked. His voice cracked. “Yes Adhi.” “I want my daughter Akanksha. I want my Aditi back.”
