This and That

A friend of mine is a little upset about her unsupportive parents. I told her what no one would dare to. Let them be.

I know it hurts when your parents don’t support you particularly when you plan on do something right. But my mother told me this when I was a baby – When you are doing the right thing, do not hesitate; do not be influenced by anybody, not even me. Well, she didn’t exactly quote the same line, but I am sure this is what she meant.

When I say it is right for you to defy your parents for doing the right thing, I am NOT saying, that they will understand someday. Maybe, they will not. Maybe, they will never. But in your heart, you will not be guilty. You will know you have made them proud. Let them not understand. Move on.

A lot might take offence when I say all parents don’t understand. Well, they are just plain lucky because they haven’t come across such parents. Plain lucky or in denial.

All parents want their children to be happy. Let’s be honest. They struggle, they sacrifice, they work hard - earn a living, all of it for the apple of their eye. But yet differences arise. The differences are not between the parent and the child but between their definitions of happiness. The parent wants the child to be happy the way they want it to be. The child wants its own happiness. Problem. Father thinks child will be happy if he becomes doctor. Child thinks he will be happy a teacher, doesn’t want to become a doctor. Mother thinks child will be happy if she is settled and has a family. Child thinks she will be happy when she establishes an enterprise, marriage is not a priority. Parents think chocolate will make the child happy while all that the child wants is a candy. Problem.

It is incredible how sometimes our parents get influenced by whole of the world than us. They listen to the neighbours, to the magazines, to the shopkeeper, to stupid serials, to the stranger they met at the bus depot, and form opinions about us. Just like we listen to our friends and people we think are friends, to the idiot box, to self-help books, to facebook stalkers, to that guy who committed suicide, to our nanny, and form opinions about them. This way both parties listen to everyone except for each other till the self-created difference arises. And then they blame each other till the difference turn into a problem. And this is how the emotional drama begins.

And then comes the self righteous phase. I have been through this phase myself but haven’t suffered much. I learnt how to deal with it. My mother was quite a rebel herself as a kid and all I had to do was listen to stories from Naani and blackmail her. Of course I knew my limits and I know deep down inside her heart my mother knew I wouldn’t cross them too. We still do this, its like a little game for us.

Also, I know less about restrictions, my mother always lets me make mistakes and then learn from them, rather than bombarding me with lectures beforehand. She is smart, she knows that once I have made a mistake, she will have the upper hand. And I always fall into this trap. Yes, I end up learning, but damn me.

Some parents understand, some don’t. Some will, some will never. I guess I am plain lucky, my mother is a child psychologist (and happens to know me inside out, even things I don’t want her to), I learnt all this stuff about parenting from her only. Just that she wouldn’t explain the same to you this way. I know I am little uptight, and a lot of the above hardly makes sense, but forgive me if you got offended, this was just a little epiphany I had.

Also, no matter what, your parents are humans too. When I was a baby my mum explained to me how she and papa were capable of making mistakes just like me. Just that they were more precautious because they are supposed to be setting examples.

Coming back to no matter what, your parents are humans too. So in spite of everything including their precarious notions and your stupidity, talk to them and make them talk to you. And listen.

Remember, she is your mother and he is your father and they love you. It is very simple, just love them back. Try, and you will know why I wrote this.

P.S. – this is something I realize time and again everytime I look around. There are just so many incredible things you’ve taught me silently. I am so damn lucky, thank you Maa.

Photo source : http://cdn.indulgy.com/R8/X6/m6/62346776061590205k3xs5DOac.jpg

To The Iron Lady

(Note: Don’t jump to conclusions unless you have read the whole of it.)

I take pride in saying that Meryl Streep is not the real Iron lady, but you, the lady with the iron hand and rule, the chief minister of my very own home town. The way you have managed to bring about change, it amazes me, if not anyone else, I am sure school students will be really happy out of this for they have one less chapter to learn. You have glorified their lives, they will vote for you, for change, for years to come.

A coin has two sides. Similarly, every person, like you and like me, has two kinds of qualities, good qualities and bad qualities. Now, the right thing here would be work upon ones bad qualities and rectify them and enhance the good ones of course. But to use the good ones as a shield against the bad, is to go as low as the fox who used wool coats to fool sheep and feast over them, or as low as Narendra Modi – The Great (Hypocrite).

I appreciate you, for the change you have brought, for the promises you have kept. For the number of bandhs which don’t happen in Kolkata anymore. My mother appreciates what you have been doing, and I mention her because she is the one living in Kolkata while I live in Delhi and am just a by-stander to your hitler regime. It is also important for me to mention that I am not writing this depending on baseless media outrages and mere statements from news channels, of course these are the only resources I have used, but there is also a lot of thought added to what I want to say.

Didi, I am not angry, probably because I don’t live there but here, but I am duly upset.

I couldn’t vote, I turned eighteen only last year and elections happened before I owned a card. But, I wished for change. I wished for difference, and when you won, it mattered to me, because I had wished for this. I don’t support any political party, neither CPM nor yours, but I supported you, as a woman, and as an ardent lover of my hometown. I have looked upto you. Then why Didi?

I ask you, why did you let us down? Why is there not a single woman leader in Indian politics I can look upto? What about the promises you haven’t kept? Why have we moved on from only a frying pan to a burning stove? Why are you challenging democracy? Why are you challenging your own dignity? Why are you doing wrong things?

It matters to me, yes, it bloody does. So what if I don’t live in Kolkata anymore? That place is very much a part of this country I call my own, it is also my hometown, I am never getting over it. And I am never getting over the people who are attempting to spoil it. I thought you were sensible, you proved yourself otherwise.

You have questioned Democracy, you have questioned the Right to Freedom and Speech, you have questioned the Right to Expression. You have also tried and removed every single possible means of CPI(M) interfering in your rule even if the intervention were to be right. Are you this scared? What is the reason for you extreme insecurity? If you think what you are doing is right, then why the safeguards? Am I seeing a loophole here? If the theory of Afterlife were to be true, Marx would be probably banging his head on a cement wall somewhere. Why? I ask you this, if kids don’t study Marx in school, how do you think they’d cope with the huge syllabus on Marx in college? Or is that your ulterior motive, to stop brain drain, erm?

And now you call some random woman who questioned your government, a Maoist. Wow.
Please don’t call me one. We had a chapter on Maoism in Political Science last year, and thanks to selective study, I left it out. I don’t frikkin know what or who Maoists are. So don’t even try me.

You are being of major help to the common man - increasing income, implemented traffic rules, beautified infrastructure, economic development and blah. Waittt. Where is welfare? Are you trying to cover up all your loopholes with the excuse of economic development? Yes? Well, then Mr.Modi finally has competition on the other side of this country, I must say.

I think you need to breathe. And tell those scoundrel followers of yours to stop creating chaos everywhere. My best friend lives and studies in Burdwan. She had written an open letter to you on social media. It was about how much she believed in you and how much you disappointed her. How their college does not have classes, only riots, and how she is living in fear. Some one must have reported abuse, because the letter is not there anymore. Are you this scared, again? You don’t want to even listen to people. This gives me hope - my friend has more power than you do, because her letter scared you off.

Escape is not an option. With Power, also comes responsibility and it is high time you stop running away from it. Face it, woman. You are the (Hon’ble) Chief Minister of one of the most important states of India, and not just the street fighting opposition. Frikkin, act like it. I am 19, a student, inexperienced, I can risk it to make immature statements and write letters like such, but you can’t. You have the power, don’t use it to win fear, ma’am, use it to win respect. Or one day people like me and my best friend and that girl you called a maoist, and many others, probably everyone I know, will lose Faith (a lot of them already have) and you, will wake up regretting that you could have done so much more to the betterment of the state, of this country, of the people, for their love and their faith and you couldn’t. One day, you will lose it all.

Good Morning ma’am. Your life and my country are hanging by the thread. Hold on. Wake up.

P.S. – I write this letter because

1. I still have hope,

2. I refuse to believe that all women ruling this country are out of their mind, I choose this woman to prove it otherwise.

Also, like I mentioned before, I DO NOT SUPPORT ANY POLITICAL PARTY (given that we don’t really have any good options between their selfish agendas), so just because I questioned the Chief Minister and her party, the opposition need not jump around in excitement thinking this is their victory. If you stupid fools had ruled the state properly for the last few eons, this situation could have been avoided.

I am just another girl, voicing my opinion. I don’t know how many of you are reading this, or will read this, but I sincerely hope it this makes a difference.

*photo source - http://manipalblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Source-The-Hindu-Newspaper-Mamata-Banerjee-Cartoon.jpg

In Loving Memory

You know, I believe in afterlife.
If there's one thing I have learnt in the entire course of my life, it is to keep the faith. And faith, I keep.

Even the slightest thought of death is depressing, it cripples me. Is it truly possible to come to terms with the loss of a loved one? I don't want to imagine. I can't live without people I love. There might not be many. I might not always show it. But still. Even a stranger. Or someone you knew distantly. That lady you come across on your way to the college everyday. This boy you met at a party. ANYBODY.

What scares me even more is what people leave behind when they pass away. The glimpses of life, the love shared, and people. Broken hearts. And memories.
This is not easy.

But I also know, that those who love you, they never really leave you. In my honest opinion, they don't. Never.

Have faith.
Put together the pieces of your broken heart again, and you'll find them right there.
Like I said, I believe in afterlife.

P.S. - To one of the bubbliest girls I have come across in this lifetime. Rest In Peace, love.
P.P.S - To people I come across everyday, whose life I don't get a chance to witness - "I am here with you."

Photo Source : http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb138/galatea18/black/zz.jpg

Yet.

Silence speaks to me

These words

They talk to me of a yesterday

Of the changing times, days good and bad

Of the life passed, past killed

And of the memories

Gone, yet not forgotten.

Silence speaks to me

These words

They talk to me of love

Of the stranger, met, loved and lived with

Of the kisses, blushes and walks

Of the sweet nothings over the phone

Lost, yet not forgotten.

Silence speaks to me

These words

They talk to me of life

Of the life entangled in a permanence of insanity

Of the life filled with divides and fears

And Fairy tales, only dreamt about

Not fulfilled, yet not forgotten.

Silence speaks to me

These words

They talk to me of a tomorrow

Of a yesterday repeating itself

The killed past. the saved memories

The dreams, the hopes and reality. And love

Untouched, yet not forgotten.

Because I Am The 'Other' Sex

During winters, I walk back home from college everyday, mostly around 3:30 in the afternoon. It is a 25 minute walk through the shady and nearly empty lanes of Lajpat Nagar III  and with earphones popped in, I hardly bother to notice whats around. Except for, I can't help but notice the eyes of a zillion 'male' passerby-s sticking on to me, all at different places of course. Some of them sing cheesy songs, I can lip read  *Dil to pagal hai, dil deewana hai*. Some are 18 year old, some are 60.

I do not wish to generalise and state that they are ALL sex-hungry people ogling at me, and my face and every other 'interesting' part of my body (read- boobs and butts) gaining some sort of visual satisfaction out of the same. But do I have a choice? 

Tell me he's staring at my breasts out of envy, I swear I'd let him do so out of sympathy AND I'd also go and alter Freud's theories. 

Tell me he's singing songs just because he thinks I resemble one of Indian Idol's judges. *faints*

Tell me he's staring at my face because he deals in anti-acne and fairness creams and hopes I might buy them.

Tell me he's grinning because he can read what my Garfield bag quotes, and I shall take that as a compliment.

Tell me he is NOT staring at me because I am the 'Other' sex, because I am a woman.
Tell me so, it will make me happy. It will put me out of fear.

Do I have a choice, again?

Just some slight times, I might ignore, but mostly I look up and give them the 'come-touch-me-and-i-shall-kick-your-balls-off' look. It helps, it does.
But the truth is, I am not a karate kid. And I am scared.
And this is not my story alone.

A lot of people advise me to join Martial Arts. But I ask Why?
WHY do I have to take a step forward? Why do I have to curtail my choice of clothing? Why do I have to be careful and concerned while walking on the streets? Why am I instructed about everything?

Why can't he?

Next time, don't tell me what to wear or where to go or how to take care of myself. 

TELL HIM NOT TO RAPE.

Snippets

I hate it when you turn your back on me

It makes me sad and cry

my love for you is more than anything

You fail to understand, I don't know why.

I might say things, you don't want to hear

But once I am done

Make sure you rethink, recall every word

Don't cry if I am gone.

All my promises  i keep, a li'l late though

My love for you is never gunna' die

An argument or fight need not matter to me

No love, it is never a goodbye.

Te Amo Muerte

(Pages From My Diary - The 8th of Jan, 2011)

She wonders often, what would have happened had she agreed to stay the night. Stayed for the rest of her life. With Kurt. Her Kurt.

The sea by her window, it bothers her. She is volatile like the sea. Indecisive, Unsteady. Impulsive.

She is an escapist. She doesn’t like things which reflect her self.

Or which bring back memories. The sea, by which they danced. By which he asked. The sea by which they kissed.

No. She doesn’t remember it anymore. She doesn’t want to. She has killed the past and buried the memories.

***

“Will you marry me?” he whispers. They’re dancing. The sound of sea is not far away. “Yes” she whispers back.

She pulls herself awake. Awake from the nightmare she doesn’t want to see. Again.

That is the last time she had seen him. Its been seven years now. Last. Seven.

***

“Stay the night with me. Stay the night Stella.”

“No Kurt, I can’t. I have to go. I love you”.

“I love you Stella”.

She is walking away.

“Stella. Stella.”

There is a road in between the beach and the car park. She has crossed over.

“Stella listen, please Stel…”

Stella turns. “Kurt!”

The car has come and the car has gone. Kurt, he is gone too.

***

No. She doesn’t want to remember what had happened before and after it. The argument before she leaves. The mess after she has.

The blood. His hazel eyes. The hair on his face. The ring in his hand.

Her Kurt. Dead and gone.

“I never intended to leave”. She is wiping the hair off his face. “Kurt. Kurt”

Seven years. Lived in a trance. Lived devoid of thoughts, devoid of memories.

Its Kurt’s birthday today.

She has not crossed over. She never will.

“Happy Birthday Kurt…”

Photo Courtesy - Internet http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2010/295/2/6/in_love_and_death_by_needlesoup-d2wy4oq.jpg

The Inheritance Of Thoughts

My eyes reflect the colour of the sea. The black sky is not dark but full of light. Full of shining hope. It is raining. Mumbai is beautiful.

The sound of the waves, hitting against the gigantic rocks, take me to a distant land. I find peace amongst hundreds of other people in one of the noisiest and busiest roads of Mumbai. The sea, just brought me back to life.

I let my hair open as the strong wind hits my face. Walking on the gray footpath, there is too much I am thinking about but nothing on my mind. And I go back to yesterday. I have no regrets. I am glad I have lived enough to be here, to breathe in this sea. Raindrops wash away the tears streaming down my face.

I walk as if there is no end because I know there is no end to this. There is a sea inside of me, mighty and fearful, turbulent and vulnerable. And never-ending.

And I pause to look over the heavenly path, past the treacherous huge rocks, my eyes travel along the entire stretch as the waves come together to hold hands and create a white wall. I, pause life.

A pen in my hand. A tear in my eye. Music in my soul.
Just as I start to create the life, as I've wanted it to be.

This is Absolute happiness.
 This, is God.

  Photo Courtesy - Internet
*Marine Drive. 13th August, 11*
I want to be this sea forever.