This and That

A friend of mine is a little upset about her unsupportive parents. I told her what no one would dare to. Let them be.

I know it hurts when your parents don’t support you particularly when you plan on do something right. But my mother told me this when I was a baby – When you are doing the right thing, do not hesitate; do not be influenced by anybody, not even me. Well, she didn’t exactly quote the same line, but I am sure this is what she meant.

When I say it is right for you to defy your parents for doing the right thing, I am NOT saying, that they will understand someday. Maybe, they will not. Maybe, they will never. But in your heart, you will not be guilty. You will know you have made them proud. Let them not understand. Move on.

A lot might take offence when I say all parents don’t understand. Well, they are just plain lucky because they haven’t come across such parents. Plain lucky or in denial.

All parents want their children to be happy. Let’s be honest. They struggle, they sacrifice, they work hard - earn a living, all of it for the apple of their eye. But yet differences arise. The differences are not between the parent and the child but between their definitions of happiness. The parent wants the child to be happy the way they want it to be. The child wants its own happiness. Problem. Father thinks child will be happy if he becomes doctor. Child thinks he will be happy a teacher, doesn’t want to become a doctor. Mother thinks child will be happy if she is settled and has a family. Child thinks she will be happy when she establishes an enterprise, marriage is not a priority. Parents think chocolate will make the child happy while all that the child wants is a candy. Problem.

It is incredible how sometimes our parents get influenced by whole of the world than us. They listen to the neighbours, to the magazines, to the shopkeeper, to stupid serials, to the stranger they met at the bus depot, and form opinions about us. Just like we listen to our friends and people we think are friends, to the idiot box, to self-help books, to facebook stalkers, to that guy who committed suicide, to our nanny, and form opinions about them. This way both parties listen to everyone except for each other till the self-created difference arises. And then they blame each other till the difference turn into a problem. And this is how the emotional drama begins.

And then comes the self righteous phase. I have been through this phase myself but haven’t suffered much. I learnt how to deal with it. My mother was quite a rebel herself as a kid and all I had to do was listen to stories from Naani and blackmail her. Of course I knew my limits and I know deep down inside her heart my mother knew I wouldn’t cross them too. We still do this, its like a little game for us.

Also, I know less about restrictions, my mother always lets me make mistakes and then learn from them, rather than bombarding me with lectures beforehand. She is smart, she knows that once I have made a mistake, she will have the upper hand. And I always fall into this trap. Yes, I end up learning, but damn me.

Some parents understand, some don’t. Some will, some will never. I guess I am plain lucky, my mother is a child psychologist (and happens to know me inside out, even things I don’t want her to), I learnt all this stuff about parenting from her only. Just that she wouldn’t explain the same to you this way. I know I am little uptight, and a lot of the above hardly makes sense, but forgive me if you got offended, this was just a little epiphany I had.

Also, no matter what, your parents are humans too. When I was a baby my mum explained to me how she and papa were capable of making mistakes just like me. Just that they were more precautious because they are supposed to be setting examples.

Coming back to no matter what, your parents are humans too. So in spite of everything including their precarious notions and your stupidity, talk to them and make them talk to you. And listen.

Remember, she is your mother and he is your father and they love you. It is very simple, just love them back. Try, and you will know why I wrote this.

P.S. – this is something I realize time and again everytime I look around. There are just so many incredible things you’ve taught me silently. I am so damn lucky, thank you Maa.

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