I've Been a Bad Girl

I write this, with no regrets, none at all. For what I am, I'm proud of it.

Yes, I've been a bad girl. Many a times. Before. And now. I've broken promises, made mistakes, maybe unintentionally betrayed people as well. Maybe intentionally.
I'd like to mention although, that guilt and regret are two majorly different things. And I've been wanting to say this for a long time.

A li'l personal this one is.
Note : The situations are limited to the word - 'sometimes'.

I haven't attended phonecalls or replied to messages. Why? Because I'm always pre-occupied with some work. No. Not at all times. The truth is, some very rare times, I have intentionally avoided people. For no rhyme or reason. Just because I wanted to.
Disloyal.
I've been a bad girl.

I've promised things to a lot of people and not delivered them. Sometimes, because I feel they don't deserve it. Because I feel I've already given them enough. I don't intend on fulfilling them anymore either.
Broken Promises.
I've been a bad girl.

I've escaped from work. In the most urgent of cases, I've restrained from doing work, just because I'm lazy and didn't feel the need to do so. Because I think think there's always someone else who'd be finishing it anyway.
Irresponsible.
I've been a bad girl.

I have a record of letting down people, having faith on me. And, disappointing myself. I have a record of not doing things at the right time. Of delaying things at my own disposal. Of totally not considering the famous proverb - 'Time and tide wait for none'.
Procrastinator
I've been a bad girl.

This might come as a shock.
I have intentionally kept away from helping people because I have felt that they deserve to suffer what they've suffered from. Because they don't deserve help. Because I have suffered the same and no one has helped me.
Jealous.
I've been a bad girl.

I've confused myself. Confused people. I've enforced my opinion on others, plenty of time without being sure of it myself. I've considered to have taken advice given by others, without even paying a heed. Strong opinions apart, I've been diplomatic about many an issues at hand.
Indecisive.
I've been a bad girl.

I haven't clarified many a misunderstandings just because of not wanting to confront. I haven't bridged many gaps just because I've wanted a particular person to stay away from me. I've kept quiet because of not wanting to argue.
Misleading.
I''ve been a bad girl.

I've laughed heartily on the outside, in spite of tearing down inside. I've put up a smile on my face, hiding the forceful tears in my eyes. I've been nice to people I've never liked. Blunt to people I don't want to like.
Pretentious.
I've been a bad girl.

I have today what I have done to others.
I have relatively seen the same that I've been to others. You might consider it a tit-for tat.
I don't.

I'm sorry for the times I haven't been there. For the times I've said a Yes in spite of knowing that a No would do better for you. I'm sorry for the times I've disappointed you. And me. I'm sorry for the times you've had to pay for the mistakes I committed. I'm sorry for the times when i have not helped you in distress. i'm sorry for the times, when i did not put aside the differences. I'm sorry for the times, I accepeted your apology, even though my heart had completely not forgiven you. I'm sorry for what I have done.

But, I'm not sorry for what I have,
I'm not sorry for having been a bad girl.

Yes. I've  been a bad girl.